How Are Your Family Boundaries?

How are the boundaries in your marriage? Take the following quiz to evaluate.

1. We frequently argue about issues and incidents involving our families.
_____True _____False

2. My spouse believes I spend too much time with my parents/sisters/brothers.
_____True _____False

3. I dread the Holidays because of the demands on our time and needing to “please everyone.”
_____True _____False

4. Family members frequently call me when they have problems.
_____True _____False

5. I feel like we take most of the responsibility for our parents.
_____True _____False

6. I often feel torn between my spouse and my family.
_____True _____False

7. When I say “No,” I feel guilty.
_____True _____False

8. I feel responsible for the problems of others in my family.
_____True _____False

9. I frequently find myself in the middle of a conflict between two other people.
_____True _____False

10. At times, I am emotionally cut off from members of my family.
_____True _____False

11. My family has arguments and conflicts that never get resolved.
_____True _____False

12. We often have family members who become scapegoats for problems.
_____True _____False

Scoring: How many “trues” did you score?
0-1, excellent. You are focusing on your marriage by having respectful boundaries with family.

2-5, very good. Making progress. Look for opportunities to further define your position with the family.

5-9, good. Discuss boundaries with your spouse. Practice saying “No” more often.

10-12, get working. Carefully evaluate the changes you and your spouse need to deal with family more effectively.

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Do You And Your Partner Have Common Interests?

This exercise is designed for you and your partner to do together. Take the opportunity when you are having coffee or spending some time out together to identify interests you currently do together and ones that appeal to you both for the future.

Circle all activities you and your spouse currently do together, even if only occasionally:

• Watching TV
• Going to Movies
• Reading
• Painting
• Shopping
• Photography
• Darts
• Pool
• Remodeling
• Scuba Diving
• Sketching
• Sky Diving
• Biking
• Swimming
• Theatre
• Walking/Running
• Roller-blading
• Kite Flying
• Car Races
• Sporting Events
• Concerts
• Camping
• Traveling
• Golf
• Tennis
• X-Country Skiing
• Fishing
• Collecting
• Horseback Riding
• Motorcycling
• Boating
• Cooking
• Craft Shows
• Weight Lifting
• Playing Cards
• Board Games
• Bowling
• Dancing
• Hiking
• Hunting
• Museums
• Art Shows
• Snowmobiling
• Ice Skating
• Gardening
• Snorkeling
• Bird Watching
• Landscaping
• Downhill Skiing
• Model Building
• Water Skiing
• Others:____________________________________________________
  
  Scoring: How many activities and interests do you have in common?
  More than 25: Excellent.
  20-24: Very good. Take time for the things you enjoy together.
  15-19: Good, look for new opportunities.
  10-14: Fair, evaluate what could be added for the two of you to do together.
  Fewer than 10, identify new activities you would both like to try.

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How Trustworthy Are You?

To build the trust in your relationship, start with you. Are you doing your share to build the trust and increase your partner’s confidence in you?

1. When I say I am going to do something, I do it.
Always Sometimes Never
2. If I will be late making a commitment or coming home, I call.
Always Sometimes Never
3. I keep my spouse’s confidences and do not share them with other people.
Always Sometimes Never
4. I am careful not to discuss information about my spouse with other people.
Always Sometimes Never
5. My spouse can count on me to listen to concerns without judgment or ridicule.
Always Sometimes Never
6. When we socialize with other people, my spouse is clearly the most important
person in the room.
Always Sometimes Never
7. When I am angry with my spouse, I am careful not to use information that he or she has confided in me win the argument.
Always Sometimes Never
8. I refrain from name-calling or sarcasm when I am upset with my spouse.
Always Sometimes Never

Scoring: How many “always” did you have?

7-8, excellent. You are a trustworthy person, focused on building trust in your marriage.

5-7, good. Keep working. You will reap results by changing your behavior.

Less than 5. Get busy.

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