Are You An Workaholic?

Justin, a thirty-five year old executive at a high-pressure investment firm works 60-70 hours per week. Even on vacation, he often slips away from the rest of the family to go on-line, check messages and answer phone calls. Until recently, he saw nothing abnormal about his behavior; in fact, everyone at his job works like that.

In the United States, we value work. Americans labor longer hours than workers in any other industrialized nation. In fact, in Western Europe, Americans are viewed as a “nation of workaholics.”

According to a 1998 study by the Families and Work Institute in New York, the average American now works 44 hours of work per week, which represents an increase of 3.5 hours since 1977. This is far more than the workers in France (39 hours per week) and Germany (40). According to a new report from the United Nations International Labor Organization (ILO), “Workers in the United States are putting in more hours than anyone else in the industrialized world.”

The ILO statistics show that in 2000, the average American worked almost one
more week of work than the year before; working an average of 1,978 hours – up from 1,942 hours in 1990. Americans now work longer hours than Canadian, Japanese, or Australian workers.

What are we working for? It’s not vacations. The typical American worker has an average of two weeks of vacation as compared to four - six weeks for their European counterparts.

For happiness? According to regular surveys by the National Opinion Research Center of the University of Chicago, no more Americans report they are “very happy” now than in 1957, despite near doubling in personal consumption expenditures. Indeed, the world’s people have consumed as many goods and services since 1950 as all previous generations put together, yet report that they are not any happier.

There are many costs in working so hard. People tend to cut back on sleep and time with their families. A recent survey found that almost a third of people working more than 48 hours a week said that exhaustion was affecting married life. Nearly a third admitted that work-related tiredness was causing their sex life to suffer, and 14% reported a loss of or reduced sex drive. They also complained that long hours and overwork led to arguments and tensions at home. Two out of five people working more than 48 hours a week blamed long hours for disagreements and said they felt guilty at not pulling their weight with domestic chores.

So how do you know if your job has turned into workaholic habits? Here are some of the warning signs:

• Your home is organized just like another office.
• Colleagues describe you as hard working, needing to win, and overly committed.
• You keep “technology tethers” like cell phones, pagers and laptops with you all times, even on vacations.
• Friends either don’t call anymore, or you quickly get off the phone when they do call.
• Sleep seems like a waste of time.
• Work problems circle in your mind, even during time off.
• Work makes you happier than any other aspect of your life.
• People who love you complain about the hours you work and beg you to take some time off.

If you experience some of these warning signs on a regular basis, it may be time to
re-evaluate how you are handling work in your life. Next time, how to break the workaholic lifestyle.

For more information on how to improve your relationships and your life, please visit: www.whydidimarryyouanyway.com

How is the Health of Your Relationship?

The best relationships are friendships that catch fire. How well do you know your partner and their view of the world? Answer the following questions to find out.

1. I understand my partner's philosophies about life.

Yes ....................No

2. I consider my partner my very best friend.

Yes ....................No

3. We often touch and kiss for no particular reason.

Yes ....................No

4. I call my partner several times a day.

Yes ....................No

5. I understand my partner's dreams for the future.

Yes ....................No

6. We find our sex life is fun and satisfying.

Yes ....................No

7. We touch base everyday about how our day is going.

Yes ....................No

8. We have scheduled activities that we look forward to.

Yes ....................No

9. If I have a problem, I talk with my partner.

Yes ....................No

10. We have similar values and goals.

Yes ....................No

11. I think that my partner has high integrity.

Yes ....................No

12. I can't wait to get home at the end of the day.

Yes ....................No

13. We have favorite traditions for many of the holidays.

Yes ....................No

14. I feel that my partner respects me.

Yes ....................No

15. We enjoy many of the same activities.

Yes ....................No

16. My partner understands my family.

Yes ....................No

17. My partner makes me laugh.

Yes ....................No

How many "Yes" answers did you have?

15 or more: You have a strong relationship built on friendship.

9-14: You have a good base but additional work will enhance your relationship. This is a good time to obtain additional tools.

8 or fewer: Get busy or you and your partner risk your relationship drifting apart.

For more tools to build your relationship, buy Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage, at www.whydidimarryyouanyway.com

Marriage is Good for Your Health, Wealth and Happiness

Marriage keeps you healthy, US government researchers reported in December. According to a new study by the Center for Disease Control, married people are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or be physically inactive. They are less likely than singles, divorcees or widowed adults to be in fair or poor health and are less likely to suffer from headaches or psychological problems.

“It could by the ‘Nag Factor,’” according to Barbara Bartlein, author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage. “ Spouses tend to nag each other about health related issues such as smoking, drinking, risky behavior and receiving regular medical care.”
Ironically, people have climbed the ladder of success by working long hours and taking on extra projects, often sacrificing time with family. Now, new research demonstrates that they would actually be healthier, wealthier and happier if they concentrated more on their marriage.
There appears to be grave consequences for couples that call it quits too easily that have not been addressed in previous studies. We have created disposable marriages in a throw away culture with little regard to the personal costs for the individual and family.

If you are looking for a long and healthy life, marriage may be part of the answer. Married folks tend to live longer and healthier than their single, divorced or widowed counterparts. And while my husband would claim that it just feels longer, the statistics demonstrate this is true.

• Non-marrieds have significantly higher rates of mortality; 50% higher among women and 250% higher among men.
• For men, staying married boosts the chance of surviving to age 65 from about 2 out of three to almost 9 out of 10.
• The unmarried are far more likely to die from all causes, including coronary heart disease, stroke, pneumonia, cancer, cirrhosis, automobile accidents, murder, and suicide.
• Being married improves the mental health for both men and women—there is someone to talk to. Spouses discuss their worries, dreams and disappointments with their partners, which helps relieve stress and anxiety.
• Researcher also found that there were positives effects from the “nag factor.” This is; the routine nagging that spouses do to encourage a positive lifestyle and decrease destructive habits such as smoking or drinking to excess.

A healthy marriage may also be the starting point for a growing net worth. Not only is divorce very costly in the short run, the long-term effects of not being married dramatically affect how financially secure you become. Consider:

• The longer people stay married, the greater their wealth accumulations.
• At retirement, a typical married couple has accumulated about $410,000 compared to about $167,000 for never married, about $145,000 for divorced and just under $96,000 for the separated.
• Spouses have better health and life insurance coverage.
• The married have increased access to pensions and social security.
• Being married provides “insurance.” In case of death, spouses almost always leave their worldly goods—Social Security and pension benefits to their wives or husbands. By getting married, spouses create an “annuity value” that is equal to increasing one’s wealth by 12-14 percent at age thirty and by 30 percent at age seventy-five compared to staying single.
• Married people behave more responsibly about money because they have more responsibilities. By pooling money, labor, and time, married people create far more opportunities for building wealth.
• There also is a value to IN LAWS—They tend to help a family when needed. In laws also provide potential access to inheritance. About 29% of married couples received financial help from in-laws and about a quarter of families with children received financial transfers in the past five years.

In spite of the jokes and comedy routines, married folks also tend to be happier than their single counterparts.

• Married men and women report less depression, less anxiety, and lower levels of other types of psychological distress than do those who are single, divorced, or widowed.
• Widowed and divorces persons are about three times as likely to commit suicide.
• Marital status is one of the most important predictors of happiness. 40% of the married said they are very happy with their life in general, compared to just under a quarter of those who were single or who were cohabiting.
• The commitment to make marriage a priority will have a tremendous impact on your life.
  The success prescription for health, wealth and happiness: Work as hard on your marriage as you do on your career.

Get more tips to improve your marriage at www.WhyDidIMarryYouAnyway.com

How Committed Are You to Your Relationship?

Commitment provides the base, the foundation, for marriage to build. If this building block is shaky, the rest is at risk to tumble down. How would your commitment rate on a scale of one to ten? How much effort do you put into your own commitment?

1. When I argue with my spouse, I threaten divorce or separation.
   Always Sometimes Never
   
2. I have stormed out of the house when arguing, not letting my spouse know when I will return.
   Always Sometimes Never
   
3. I make it clear to my spouse that I have doubts about the future of the marriage and am not sure it “will work.”
   Always Sometimes Never
   
4. I refrain from telling my spouse that I love him/her, feeling I shouldn’t have to say it.
   Always Sometimes Never
   
5. I am reluctant to plan for the future because I’m not sure what will happen between the two of us.
   Always Sometimes Never
   
6. I don’t want to fully commit my money because I don’t know the future of
   the marriage.
   Always Sometimes Never
   
7. I question whether I married the “right” person.
   Always Sometimes Never
   

Scoring: How many “nevers” did you have?

6-7, excellent. You are clear about your commitment and are communicating this to your spouse.

4-5, good. Keep working. You will reap results by changing your behavior.

Less than 4. Actively work on increasing your commitment.

For More Tips to Improve Your Relationship, Buy Your Copy of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage at www.whydidimarryyouanyway.com